My Life Of Fear
Thinking back on where I started and the struggles I’ve had. I feel my life was mostly based in fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the outside world, fear of judgement from family and friends. I had grown to over 600 pounds. Fear dominated every aspect of my life. If I go to an event how far will I have to walk to get inside? I enter a room and I worry about if there will be a chair that I can fit in. Will that seat hold my weight? If i did go to a gym would everyone judge me and laugh at my attempts to work out. These thoughts plagued me and my body would limit everything in my life.
Skip to losing 303 pounds. My life was now without fear. Or so I thought. My fears of not fitting into a car, or breaking a chair, have now become fear of gaining the weight back. Fear of failure, of letting everyone who supported me down. This fear was not motivating me to make a change; it was crippling me. Pushing me further inside. Isolating me from family and friends once again. The more weight I gained the worse it got. I couldn’t ignore what was happening, yet I couldn’t pull it together to take action and do something about it. This went against everything I learned at LIF.
It took a check in call from Eric for me to open up my guard and admit that I am struggling with my weight again. After a long conversation we came to the conclusion that I should make a big move and come work for Live In Fitness. I will be back in a healthy environment and also begin to change my life for the second time. This time from the inside out. I’ve learned to embrace these fears and conquer them. No longer focused on what might go wrong. But What i’m doing right.