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SEARCHER 

Searchers try to adapt to other people’s interests, hoping to gain identity and acceptance. If you’re a searcher, you’re always on the lookout for something or someone that will inspire and motivate you. You sometimes latch onto other people, hoping their passion and enthusiasm will rub off on you. You try this, you try that, you try the other thing, but you still are driven to keep searching. Until you find the spark within, you’ll always feel that something is missing in your life.

T.J.’s Searcher Story – Lost 50 Pounds (and gained a 6-pack!)

T.J. was seventeen years old, overweight, and openly gay.  Unlike most teenagers, he had the courage to accept and admit his sexual orientation at such a young age.  But like most teenagers, he was desperately searching for something.  He was a fun, sweet, happy kid who was going through the motions, living life with absolutely no sense of direction or purpose and no goals.

His mom signed him up with me hoping he would make some changes and find his way.  Sure, he wanted to lose the weight but didn’t know how, but he had a monster standing in his way: an extreme lack of drive and motivation.  On a surface level he wanted to defeat this monster, but didn’t have the first clue where to start.  Why?  Because he only searched, and when something didn’t come right away, he went on searching for the next thing⎯he never had to work for anything.

We worked intensely with him, helping him discover his passions, hobbies, interests, what he really cared about, the types of people he was interested in.  He understood himself more and more, but that wasn’t enough.  The defining moment for T.J. occurred during a game of cardio tennis.  He was acting silly, talking about how hard he was working.  I came down on him hard and let him know that he had no idea how to work hard or what he should work hard for.  I pushed him way passed his normal point to show him what he was capable of.  After that, he put the same level of work into discovering what made him tick…what his purpose and motivation were…and he began to make real progress.

His progress would certainly be tested, as he was getting ready to head off to college.  If he was going to face the temptations of college…pizza, partying, the list goes on and on, he definitely needed a source of motivation.  Before he left, we talked about how much work he had to put into the behavioral and mental side of his training, because I wasn’t going to be with him. 

He came back after his first year and he was maybe even a little more ripped than he was before he left.  A big thanks to T.J. for making my job such a great one.

Workshop 1– Who You Are: As a searcher, you’re seeking inspiration and motivation, following after this person and that person and trying on their interests for size. This external focus often leaves you feeling empty inside and distant from the people you’d like to get close to.

Why You’re That Way: Many searchers grew up with little guidance or direction. Some had no role models that provided a good example of how to pursue personal passions. As a result, you’ve always felt something was missing in your life and you’ve been searching for something that will make you feel motivated and engaged.

Searchers try to adapt to other people’s interests, hoping to gain identity and acceptance.  If you’re a searcher, you’re always on the lookout for something or someone that will inspire and motivate you.  You sometimes latch onto other people, hoping their passion and enthusiasm will rub off on you.  You try this, you try that, you try the other thing, but you still are driven to keep searching.  Until you find the spark within, you’ll always feel that something is missing in your life. 

Who You Are:  As a searcher, you’re seeking inspiration and motivation, following after this person and that person and trying on their interests for size.  This external focus often leaves you feeling empty inside and distant from the people you’d like to get close to. 

Characteristics of a Searcher:

Acceptance

Looking for motivation

Looking for enthusiasm

Sense of distance

Seeking inspiration

Avoid conflict or confrontation

  1. What areas of your life have you excelled or been successful having this trait?
  2. What areas of you or your life has this trait not served you as well?
  3. Has it affected your health & lifestyle? Your happiness?

Workshop 2 – How You Feel: While you seem fun-loving and easygoing on the outside, on the inside you feel empty and alone. In some ways, you feel like a fraud because you don’t have the drive and enthusiasm you perceive in others.

Why You’re That Way:  Many searchers grew up with little guidance or direction.  Some had no role models that provided a good example of how to pursue personal passions.  As a result, you’ve always felt something was missing in your life and you’ve been searching for something that will make you feel motivated and engaged. 

  1. With this personality trait, do you expect the same of others, loved ones?
  2. Has this skewed your judgment towards others if they do not measure up?
  3. How would you like to see yourself differently?
  4. Has is affected your health & lifestyle? Your happiness?

Workshop 3 – Relationships/Family: Many of your relationships are superficial…maybe even a source of fear. You are afraid other people will expose you as an empty, shallow person with no real substance. For this reason, you’ll do almost anything to avoid conflict. You don’t make waves, won’t criticize, and try not to cause arguments. But you often keep the peace at the expense of the person you really are.

  1. How has this affected you? 
  2. What have you missed out on by having this trait?
  3. What is important to you at the end of the day?
  4. If you look back at your life would you feel fulfilled

Workshop 4 – Watch Out For: Because you’re seeking meaning and purpose in life, you’re always trying something new, hoping it will be the thing that does the trick. For your weight-loss and fitness program to succeed, you need to stay with a program long enough to see results.

Recommendations: Create your own realistic goals and stick with them.

Inspiration for Searchers

“Man is not born to solve the problems of the universe, but to find out what he has to do.” 

⎯ GOETHE

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.” 

          ⎯ JANIS JOPLIN

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 

⎯ DR. SEUSS

List some realistic goals that are important to you with a realistic timeline or timeframe
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